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Many animals today are being hunted to the point of extinction. What can be done to tackle this problem?

Animals are essential part of our world like us so that people use them for various purposes for getting meat, wool and so on. Today lots of animals are being murdered for possessing their different part such as fangs of wild carnivorous animals, horn of rhinos, special smell of gazelles, fur of foxes. While they kill the animals for these, the number of them is decreasing day by day and we will try to find a solution to solve this problem. Governments and some people attempt to protect the animals from any damage and in order to do this a number of nature parks have been created nowadays on the contrary, firstly, I suppose there can be created more parks and the number of animals have to be increased in there. As we know entrance to there is forbidden and if they were maintained, no one would not harm them in a space of parks. Secondly, there should be a special punishment as fine of money or imprisonment for people who kill the animals. In my mind, if these existed the people would not dare to do this not to lose money. There is another solution to tackle this issue consequently we have an information lots of wild animals live in Africa, most of them are valuable and some of them are pretty rare because there are few number of them. But ninety per cent of countries in Africa are quite poor that is why, they can not preserve them. On the contrary, developed country can assist underdeveloped countries to get food for themselves and to protect animals. Because, if they had enough resource for living, they would take care of animals. As a result, in my opinion, advanced country would not be pleased the animals to be extinction. In conclusion, we have told about how can be solved this problem and saw that it is not impossible that governments` effort can solve this issue easily.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
are essential part of our world like us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them for various purposes for getting meat, wool and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
being murdered
for possessing their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
part such as fangs of wild carnivorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, horn of rhinos, special smell of gazelles, fur of foxes. While they kill the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for these, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of them is decreasing day by
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
day and
we will try to find a solution to solve this problem.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attempt to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from any damage and in order to do this a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of nature parks have
been created
nowadays
on the contrary
,
firstly
, I suppose there can
be created
more parks and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be increased
in there. As we know entrance to there
is forbidden
and if they
were maintained
, no one would not harm them in a space of parks.
Secondly
, there should be a special punishment as fine of money or imprisonment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who kill the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. In my mind, if these existed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not dare to do this not to lose money.

There is another solution to tackle this issue
consequently
we have
The plural noun “lots” cannot be used with the article “an”.
an information lots
of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Africa, most of them are valuable and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are pretty rare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
ninety per cent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in Africa are quite poor
that is
why, they can not preserve them.
On the contrary
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can assist underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
food for themselves and to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, if they had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resource for living, they would take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
As a result
, in my opinion, advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to be extinction.

In conclusion
, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
about how can
be solved
this problem and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
that it is not impossible that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
` effort can solve this issue
easily
.
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IELTS essay Many animals today are being hunted to the point of extinction. What can be done to tackle this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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