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Looking at my late grandparents’ vast farm land at a small village in Situbondo, Indonesia

Looking at my late grandparents’ vast farm land at a small village in Situbondo, Indonesia 0MNr5
Looking at my late grandparents’ vast farm land at a small village in Situbondo, Indonesia, I was amazed by the green paddy rice and realised that that all were no longer run by my family. For a long time now, we had the farm rented because no one in the family has the ability to run the business anymore. These past ten years, I decided to learn more deeply about agriculture and plant biotechnology, hoping that one day I could take care of the farm again, just like the old times. Studying agriculture, to me, is not only about to be able to take control my family’s farm again, but also to explore many possibilities that we can do to develop an advance agriculture in Indonesia. I have grown up in a situation when my grandfather passed away, and the only one who struggled to maintain the farm was my grandmother, with merely a little knowledge in the farm business. Assisting my late grandmother to maintain her farm business since I was 11 years old, I remembered all her struggles and hardships as a business woman, also as a single fighter. There were issues related to this business from the administration of water – management, environment, to pest and disease problems. By studying this degree, my aim and goal was to tackle the issues related to plant disease in agriculture.
Looking at my late grandparents’ vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
land at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Situbondo
, Indonesia, I
was amazed
by the green paddy rice and
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
that that all were no longer run by my family. For a long time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, we had the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
rented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no one in the family has the ability to run the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
anymore. These past ten years, I decided to learn more
deeply
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
and plant biotechnology, hoping that one day I could take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
again,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times. Studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
, to me, is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about to be able to take control my family’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
again,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possibilities that we can do to develop an advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
in Indonesia. I have grown up in a situation when my grandfather passed away, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one who struggled to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
was my grandmother, with
merely
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
knowledge in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. Assisting my late grandmother to maintain her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
since I was 11 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, I remembered all her struggles and hardships as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
woman,
also
as a single fighter. There were issues related to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
from the administration of water
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
management, environment, to pest and disease problems. By studying this degree, my aim and goal was to tackle the issues related to plant disease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
.
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IELTS essay Looking at my late grandparents’ vast farm land at a small village in Situbondo, Indonesia

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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