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In some countries the widespread use of internet has given people more freedom to work or study at home instead of travelling to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

In some countries the widespread use of internet has given people more freedom to work or study at home instead of travelling to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages? 0ApD9
Nowadays, due to the innovational technologies people all around the world have an opportunity to work or study at home, without spending resources for driving to office or school. This essay will suggest, that benefits of online working, as saving money and higher productivity outweigh drawback as enhanced level of stress. On the one hand, there are many disadvantages in home-office system. One of the main is an overstrain of employees. In the other words, workers can freely distribute the work hours and sometimes because absence of limitations people became more stressful. For example, the standard schedule is from 9 a. m. to 6 p. m. , that means that the majority will come back home and get rest, communicate with their families or friends. However, the online working does not have a rigid timetable, that is why boarders between job and home can be eroded. Consequently, people become more depressed and exhausted. On the other hand, there are significant benefits of remoted working or studying that will outweigh the drawbacks. Firstly, many resources can be saved by choosing distance learning. To put in another way, time and money, that are needed to travel to office every day can be stored or spend in much effective way. For instance, two free hours that were wasted in traffics will became a possibility to improve hobby or to have some pleasure time with close people. Moreover, the expenditure for lunch at cafes, service the car, official clothes can be contributed into personal goals. Secondly, workers and students can create a comfortable condition for themselves in order to increase the productivity and reduce the amount of stress. The Oxford researchers have proved, that people work more effectively, when they have relaxed environment, which can be attain by wearing leisure clothes or having some snacks. To sum up, in modern society there are various methods to complete certain tasks, and online way become more common day by day. There are many pros and cons, as time factors, mental health of employers, but the advantages of this dilemma is much higher.
Nowadays, due to the innovational technologies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the world have an opportunity to work or study at home, without spending resources for driving to office or school. This essay will suggest, that benefits of online working, as saving money and higher productivity outweigh drawback as enhanced level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages in home-office system. One of the main is an
Possible spelling mistake found.
overstrain
of employees. In the other words, workers can
freely
distribute the work hours and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
absence of limitations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
became more stressful.
For example
, the standard schedule is from 9 a. m. to 6 p. m.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
that means that the majority will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rest, communicate with their families or friends.
However
, the online working does not have a rigid timetable,
that is
why boarders between job and home can
be eroded
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more depressed and exhausted.

On the other hand
, there are significant benefits of remoted working or studying that will outweigh the drawbacks.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
resources can
be saved
by choosing distance learning. To put in another way, time and money, that
are needed
to travel to office every day can
be stored
or spend in much effective way.
For instance
, two free hours that
were wasted
in traffics will became a possibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
hobby or to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pleasure time with close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, the expenditure for lunch at
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
, service the car, official clothes can
be contributed
into personal goals.
Secondly
, workers and students can create a comfortable condition for themselves in order to increase the productivity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. The Oxford researchers have proved, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work more
effectively
, when they have relaxed environment, which can be
Consider using the past participle "attained"?
attain
by wearing leisure clothes or having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
snacks.

To sum up, in modern society there are various methods to complete certain tasks, and online way become more common day by day. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pros and cons, as time factors, mental health of employers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the advantages of this dilemma is much higher.
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IELTS essay In some countries the widespread use of internet has given people more freedom to work or study at home instead of travelling to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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