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In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing, and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing, and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? K2k9
In recent years, overnight is the main problem for the people that it is escalated drastically, whereas their level of health and fitness declining. Thus, what are methods could be taken to solve them? It is true that there were plenty of reasons, which led to the overweight. One of the most reasons for overweight is the consumption of the unhealthy food more than nutrional foods. Many people, especially teenagers prefer to enjoy the food with lots of negative ingredients such as fatty, high sugar. For example, young generations in the U. S like eating junk food as hamburgers, fried chips, ice-creams. On the other hand, people are living sedentary lifestyle due to spending too much time for smartphones, laptops, whilst they did not dedicate to practise physical activities. As a result, people will meet the serious deseases as obesity, cancer, stroke, etc. For instance, there was a person had a serious illness. Because of overweight, my grandfather were in type two diabetes. In consequence, he was in cancer. Then, he did not live in his life. Lastly, people had incorrect eating habit. Majority people swallowed and get rid of their breakfast. Furthermore, they eat too much at the mighnight. From all of causes led to boost the average weight, there were a bunch of measures to decline the overweight. Firstly, people should do more physical activities, which is necessary for their health and limit to risk of serious deseases. To be specific, there are a lot of sports which is good for people’s health such as football, swimming, basketball, etc. I usually go swimming with my family on the weekends to lose my weight and improve my asthma. Secondly, people have to use vegetables and fruits in their main meals instead of junk food because it provides a lot of vitamins and nutrion for their body. Thirdly, teenagers should not smoke as there are a toxic makes the sugar in their blood to climb dramatically that is nicotine. Finally, people should not eat at the midnight.
In recent years, overnight is the main problem for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that it
is escalated
drastically
, whereas their level of health and fitness declining.
Thus
, what are methods could
be taken
to solve them?

It is true that there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of reasons, which led to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
. One of the most reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
is the consumption of the unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
more than
Possible spelling mistake found.
nutrional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
prefer to enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with lots of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ingredients such as fatty, high sugar.
For example
, young generations in the U. S like eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as hamburgers, fried chips, ice-creams.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living sedentary lifestyle due to spending too much time for smartphones, laptops, whilst they did not dedicate to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
physical activities.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the serious
Possible spelling mistake found.
deseases
as obesity, cancer, stroke, etc.
For instance
, there was a person had a serious illness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
, my grandfather were in type two diabetes. In consequence, he was in cancer. Then, he did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in his life.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had incorrect eating habit. Majority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
swallowed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of their breakfast.
Furthermore
, they eat too much at the
Possible spelling mistake found.
mighnight
.

From
Consider using "all causes" or "all of the causes".
all of causes
led to boost the average weight, there were a bunch of measures to decline the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do more physical activities, which is necessary for their health and limit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of serious
Possible spelling mistake found.
deseases
. To be specific, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
sports which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health such as football, swimming, basketball, etc. I
usually
go swimming with my family on the weekends to lose my weight and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my asthma.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
vegetables and fruits in their main meals
instead
of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
vitamins and
Possible spelling mistake found.
nutrion
for their body.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should not smoke as there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "toxics"?
toxic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the sugar in their blood to climb
dramatically
that is
nicotine.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not eat at the midnight.
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IELTS essay In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing, and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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