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eassay about health. do you agree or disagree?

eassay about health. do you agree or disagree? Mr7R6
It is true that obesity is associated with many adverse effects, which puts extra pressure on the health care system. It is often argued that more physical education classes in schools is the best step to overcome this issue. While I agree that this is this good idea, I believe that there are better ways to tackle the problem. Increasing the number of physical education lessons is no doubtedly an effective measure to help the health care system fight obesity and its consequences. This strategy gets to the problem roots and can prevent it before happening. By teaching children and adolecents to exercise more, we build a more fit society. These young people are more likely to make exercise a habit and a part of their lifestyle in the future. Furthermore, students can learn, at a young age, from their professional and skilled teachers about the benefits of exercise and the correct techniques to do it. While I believe this method is effective, I believe that it is not enough by itself. Governments and societies should aim to encourage physical activity and spread awareness among society's all age groups. This can be done by promoting a healthy lifestyle and making this lifestyle affordable. For example, there should be public gyms free of charge where everyone can exercise. In addition to that, any kind of ads that promote unhealthy habits, such as fast food ads, should be banned. In conclusion, more physical education classes in schools is one step to overcome the burden put on the healthcare system by obesity. However, there are many other steps that should be taken in addition to that.
It is true that obesity
is associated
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverse effects, which puts extra pressure on the health care system. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education classes in schools is the best step to overcome this issue. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this is this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, I believe that there are better ways to tackle the problem.

Increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education lessons is no
Possible spelling mistake found.
doubtedly
an effective measure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the health care system fight obesity and its consequences. This strategy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to the problem roots and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
happening. By teaching children and
Possible spelling mistake found.
adolecents
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
more, we build a more fit society. These young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
a habit and a part of their lifestyle in the future.
Furthermore
, students can learn, at a young age, from their professional and skilled teachers about the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and the correct techniques to do it.

While I believe this method is effective, I believe that it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
by itself.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
and societies should aim to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity and spread awareness among society's all age groups. This can
be done
by promoting a healthy lifestyle and making this lifestyle affordable.
For example
, there should be public gyms free of charge where everyone can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
In addition
to that, any kind of ads that promote unhealthy habits, such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food ads, should
be banned
.

In conclusion
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education classes in schools is one step to overcome the burden put on the healthcare system by obesity.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other steps that should
be taken
in addition
to that.
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IELTS essay eassay about health. do you agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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