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Does playing video games a waste of time for children?

Does playing video games a waste of time for children? QwDL1
Recently there has been a ton of debate as to whether playing video games is harmful to children. Specifically, parents are opposed to their children spending time playing video games on the computer instead of doing something more beneficial for them. On the whole, however, it is my opinion that playing video games has more pros than cons. I think we focused on the adverse effects of playing video games and had blind confidence in it. But it has been experiemented and proven that these games provide learning and social benefits. Recently I read an article about this subject. According to what I read, various types of video games have different benefits for players. For instance, shooter games, increase a variety of cognitive skills such as reasoning and vision. The article also mentioned that if playing video games makes the player happier it can be a fundamental emotional benefit. Playing easier games can promote relaxation and ease anxiety. Furthermore, thanks to video games people, who are introverts or shy to talk to a friend in real life can make new friends online. There are virtual social communities where people can communicate with each other. These communities teach people how to create a team and lead them. This social skill is beneficial in real life because it encourages people to cooperate and make decisions quickly. Drawing from my experience, playing Genshin Impact helped me to develop my problem-solving skills. In this video game, there are many quests which you ought to complete to level up and receive new characters to defeat the enemies. You have to be ambitious and patient to continue the story. This video game also broadened my imagination and enhanced my creativity because of the visuals. In conclusion, I strongly believe that playing video games isn't a waste of time if it is limited. In the future, video games can help us to save the planet.
Recently there has been a ton of debate
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is harmful to children.
Specifically
, parents
are opposed
to their children spending time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the computer
instead
of doing something more beneficial for them.
On the whole
,
however
, it is my opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has more pros than cons. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we focused on the adverse effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and had blind confidence in it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it has been
Possible spelling mistake found.
experiemented
and proven that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
provide learning and social benefits.

Recently I read an article about this subject. According to what I read, various types of

video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
benefits for players.
For instance
, shooter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
increase


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
variety of cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as reasoning and vision.

The article
also
mentioned that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the player happier it can be a fundamental emotional benefit.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
easier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can promote relaxation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
anxiety.
Furthermore
, thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are introverts or shy to talk to a friend in real life can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends online. There are virtual social communities where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can communicate with each other. These communities teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how to create a team and lead them. This social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is beneficial in real life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to cooperate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions
quickly
.

Drawing from my experience,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
Genshin
Impact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to develop my

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
quests which you ought to complete to level up and receive new characters to defeat the enemies. You
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be ambitious and patient to continue the story. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game
also
broadened my imagination and enhanced my creativity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the visuals.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
isn't a waste of time if it
is limited
. In the future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to save the planet.
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IELTS essay Does playing video games a waste of time for children?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
318 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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