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Argument: more and Yong people use the internet to socialise . Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

A number of people argue that today's young people use internet for socialise which has harmful for them. However, in this essay I will address a number of problems which cause of socialise. First and foremost, nowadays young people use internet frequently and they interact with various people. In this modern world different kind of social apps have become common in people life and they utilise without know consequences. Such as young people use Facebook, twitter etc. Thus, they communicate with strangers sometimes they get involve in cyber crimes because there are lots of predators who try to track young people in evils things. In such way, many young people do commit of suicide.  In addition, when Yong people spend most of their time on socialise then they not give proper attention to their studies therefore this kind of habits isn't good for young people develop. Apart from that, through socialise many young girls started to involve in love with strangers and started to believe them and sometimes they send their such pictures which destroy their lives completely. Thus, they get deceive from them and when they not tolerate such things then they get victim of depression. From my perspective, socialising is put bad impact on young people life especially when they use this thing in bad way. I believe if parents supervise their children activities then they not mislead. To sum up, it's undoubtedly true socialising has more and more drawbacks then merits. The main thing is this a waste of time when young people send precious time on socialise.
A number of
people
argue that
today
's
young
people
use
internet for socialise which has harmful for them.
However
, in this essay I will address a number of problems which cause of socialise.

First
and foremost, nowadays
young
people
use
internet
frequently
and they interact with various
people
. In this modern world
different
kind of social apps have become common in
people
life and they utilise without know consequences. Such as
young
people
use
Facebook, twitter etc.
Thus
, they communicate with strangers
sometimes
they
get
involve in cyber crimes
because
there are lots of predators who try to
track
young
people
in evils things. In such way,
many
young
people
do commit of suicide.  
In addition
, when Yong
people
spend most of their time on socialise then they not give proper attention to their studies
therefore
this kind of habits isn't
good
for
young
people
develop.

Apart from that, through socialise
many
young
girls
started
to involve in
love
with strangers and
started
to believe them and
sometimes
they
send
their such pictures which
destroy
their
lives
completely.
Thus
, they
get
deceive from them and when they not tolerate such things then they
get
victim of depression.

From my perspective, socialising
is put
bad
impact on
young
people
life
especially
when they
use
this thing in
bad
way. I believe if parents supervise their children activities then they not mislead.

To sum up, it's
undoubtedly
true socialising has more and more drawbacks then merits. The main thing is this a waste of time when
young
people
send
precious time on socialise.
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IELTS essay Argument: more and Yong people use the internet to socialise. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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