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A travel to the ice cream shop

A travel to the ice cream shop kD9O
It wasn’t exactly a meal, when I was a child, I guess I was 5 years old? However, I went with my sister to the ice cream shop, she was 8 years old. It was a strange to go alone with out my mom, it was a small city with a lot of small neighbourhood that must be crossed that reach you to the city centre, it used to contain a train station so it was always crowded, she give us £5 which equal 30 in Saudi riyal, and it was more than enough, the man who work there give us back a small change, there was a lot of coins, Which can make two young girls think that they are rich with an ice cream cone.
It wasn’t exactly a meal, when I was a child, I guess I was 5 years
old
?
However
, I
went with
my sister to the ice cream shop, she was 8 years
old
. It was a strange to go alone
with out
my mom, it was a
small
city with
a lot of
small
neighbourhood
that
must
be crossed
that reach you to the city
centre
, it
used
to contain a train station
so
it was always crowded, she
give
us £5 which equal 30 in Saudi riyal, and it was more than
enough
, the
man
who work there give us back a
small
change
, there was
a lot of
coins, Which can
make
two young girls
think
that they are rich with an ice cream cone.
What do you think?
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IELTS essay A travel to the ice cream shop

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
127 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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