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the pie chart below shows how energy used in verge australia household

the pie chart below shows how energy used in verge australia household jVX7d
The pie chart below depicts information about the changes in verge using of energy for Australia households. Units are measured in percent. Overall, the volume showing the percentage of heating and cooling water heating and other goods with the exception of the given ones was almost the same. First of all 5% of the given pie chart showed energy used for cooking and standing by(separately) while energy for keeping products fresh was used about 1% percent higher than lighting about 11%. However, energy to keep the house warm or cooling it was about 20%. Moreover, about the water heating 23% of the given pie chart was filled by it. In addition, other appliances have banned the 24% overall.
The pie chart below depicts information about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in verge using of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
for Australia households. Units
are measured
in percent.

Overall
, the volume showing the percentage of heating and cooling water heating and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
Consider using "except" or "except for"
with the exception of
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
ones was almost the same.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
5% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for cooking and standing by(
separately
) while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
for keeping products fresh was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
about 1% percent higher than lighting about 11%.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
warm or cooling it was about 20%.
Moreover
, about the water heating 23% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart
was filled
by it.
In addition
, other appliances have banned the 24%
overall
.
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IELTS academic the pie chart below shows how energy used in verge australia household

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
118 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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