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The percentage of smokers and consumption of alcohol in selected countries

The percentage of smokers and consumption of alcohol in selected countries LrE96
As the picture shows, there are two line graphs depict the progressions of two different events, percentage of smokers and the amount of alcohol user consumed in liter. Overall, the first chart experienced a downward trend, and the second one encountered a fluctuation. A glance at the first graph, Holland took the highest position, started at approximately 57% in 1960 and dramatically went down at around 43% in 1980. Japan, meanwhile, decreased gradually about 48% in 1960 and met the same point of Holland in the year 1980, and both continued drop until 2000. The same experience happened in USA, declined from 40% in 1960 to by roughly 20% in 2000. On the second graph, USA and Holland rose significantly about 7 and 3 liter respectively in 1960, and peaked about 11 liter in Holland and just over 10 liter in USA in 1980. Afterwards Holland leveled off about 11 liter in 2000 while USA dropped sequential. On the other hand, Turkey encountered moderate change from 1. 5 liter in 1960 to 1. 7 in 2000.
As the picture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, there are two line graphs depict the progressions of two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, percentage of smokers and the amount of alcohol user consumed in liter.
Overall
, the
first
chart experienced a downward trend, and the second one encountered a fluctuation.

A glance at the
first
graph, Holland took the highest position,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at approximately 57% in 1960 and
dramatically
went down at around 43% in 1980. Japan, meanwhile, decreased
gradually
about 48% in 1960 and met the same point of Holland in the year 1980, and both continued drop until 2000. The same experience happened
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, declined from 40% in 1960 to
Did you maybe mean "buy" or "be"?
by
roughly 20% in 2000.

On the second graph, USA and Holland rose
significantly
about 7 and 3 liter
respectively
in 1960, and peaked about 11 liter in Holland and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 10 liter
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
in 1980. Afterwards Holland leveled off about 11 liter in 2000
A determiner is probably missing here: "while the USA".
while USA
dropped sequential.
On the other hand
, Turkey encountered moderate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
from 1. 5 liter in 1960 to 1. 7 in 2000.
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IELTS academic The percentage of smokers and consumption of alcohol in selected countries

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
176 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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