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The graph below shows information about the activities that Australian and New Zealand bar graph illustrates data recreational pursuits Australians New Zealanders children enjoy doing the most in 2007.

The graph below shows information about the activities that Australian and New Zealand bar graph illustrates data recreational pursuits Australians New Zealanders children enjoy doing the most in 2007. dlO0P
The bar graph illustrates data about the favourite recreational pursuits of children in two nations in 2007. Overall, Australians were more likely to do outdoor activities, whereas New Zealanders were more involved in indoor activities. For Australian youths, the most popular activity was doing sporting activities, which accounted for approximately 28%. Next, a quarter of Australians enjoyed visiting parks. The third most popular leisure pursuits were video games and watching movies, which both attracted 15%. The least popular activities were reading, and art and craft, which accounted for about 10% and 7 %, respectively. Turning to the young New Zealanders, the highest proportion of young people enjoyed doing art and craft, which accounted for 25% of them. This was followed by reading books and watching movies, which each accounted for roughly 17%. The proportion who played video games was only 15%. The least popular were trips to the park and playing sports at 13%.
The bar graph illustrates data about the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
recreational pursuits of children in two nations in 2007.
Overall
, Australians were more likely to do outdoor
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activities
, whereas New Zealanders were more involved in indoor activities.

For Australian youths, the most
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popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
was doing sporting
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activities
, which
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accounted
for approximately 28%.
Next
, a quarter of Australians enjoyed visiting parks. The third most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
leisure pursuits were video games and watching movies, which both attracted 15%. The least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
were reading, and art and craft, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accounted
for about 10% and 7 %,
respectively
.

Turning to the young New Zealanders, the highest proportion of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoyed doing art and craft, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accounted
for 25% of them. This
was followed
by reading books and watching movies, which each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accounted
for roughly 17%. The proportion who played video games was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15%. The least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
were trips to the park and playing sports at 13%.

IELTS academic The graph below shows information about the activities that Australian and New Zealand bar graph illustrates data recreational pursuits Australians New Zealanders children enjoy doing the most in 2007.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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