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The diagram shows how a transaction works at an automated teller machine in five steps, allowing us to withdraw money from any participating bank in the world.

The diagram shows how a transaction works at an automated teller machine in five steps, allowing us to withdraw money from any participating bank in the world. 6a5gB
The diagram illustrate the process of transaction from an ATM At the fleeting glance it was clear that firstly user entered at a local bank and insert a card and put the password of the ATM card. Then the message was received by network. After that network shows the balance of particular account Moving further the dollar debited from Mr. Simmons account then the message of confirmation sent to network again. Then network sent the message to bank of give and funds to the bank. Finally the settlement provided between Mr Sumit's account and local bank. Overall undoubtedly all the several steps are important for successful transaction. If single step is missed then the whole process will be haulted
The diagram
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "illustrates".
illustrate
the process of transaction from an ATM

At the fleeting glance it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
firstly
user entered at a local bank and insert a card and put the password of the ATM card. Then the message
was received
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the balance of particular account

Moving
further
the dollar debited from Mr. Simmons account then the message of confirmation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
again. Then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
the message to bank of give and funds to the bank.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
the settlement provided between Mr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sumit
's account and local bank.

Overall
undoubtedly
all the several steps are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for successful transaction. If single step
is missed
then the whole process will be
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
haulted

IELTS academic The diagram shows how a transaction works at an automated teller machine in five steps, allowing us to withdraw money from any participating bank in the world.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
118 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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