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The chart shows expenditure of cititzens of UK for the three different catagories for the year 2004.

The chart shows expenditure of cititzens of UK for the three different catagories for the year 2004. G9E3w
The chart depicts the percentage of spending amount on three different field by the differently aged people lived in UK in the year of 2004. Overall, it is clear from the graph that the people of having age more then 76 were like to spend more money on food and drink, however people below 30 years of age were spent less money on it. For the citizens of age between 31 to 45 & 46 to 60 expense on hotel was high & merely same, but for the people of age between 61 to 75 it was less. Expense for entertainment was high for the person aged between 61 to 75, while people below 30 were like to spend less. It can be seen from the chart that the expenditure on food & drink was increased proportionally with the ages. It was about 5% for the people under 30 & rose about 13% for group of age between 31 to 45. Moreover, it was increased around 16% for people of age 46 to 60 & further rose to 20% & around 22% for people of having age between 61 to 75 & more than 76 respectively. Expenditure on restaurant and hotel showed similar trend, except for the group of people aging between 61 to 75 which spent around 3%. Spending money on entertainment was about same for the people of age under 45 & was about 8%. For the people of age 41 to 60 it was about 14% & grew for the people between 61 to 75 about 22%. Lastly for people aging more than 76 it was nearly 13%.
The chart depicts the percentage of spending amount on three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible agreement error. The noun 'field' seems to be countable, so consider using: "fields".
field
by the
differently
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in UK in the year of 2004.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
76 were like to spend more money on food and drink,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
below 30 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
were spent
less money on it. For the citizens of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 31 and 45".
between 31 to 45
& 46 to 60 expense on hotel was high &
merely
same,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 61 and 75".
between 61 to 75
it was less. Expense for entertainment was high for the person aged
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 61 and 75".
between 61 to 75
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
below 30 were like to spend less.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart that the expenditure on food & drink
was increased
proportionally
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. It was about 5% for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under 30 & rose about 13% for group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 31 and 45".
between 31 to 45
.
Moreover
, it
was increased
around 16% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
46 to 60 &
further
rose to 20% & around 22% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 61 and 75".
between 61 to 75
& more than 76
respectively
. Expenditure on restaurant and hotel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
similar trend,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aging
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 61 and 75".
between 61 to 75
which spent around 3%.

Spending money on entertainment was about same for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
under 45 & was about 8%. For the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
41 to 60 it was about 14% & grew for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 61 and 75".
between 61 to 75
about 22%.
Lastly
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aging more than 76 it was
nearly
13%.
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IELTS academic The chart shows expenditure of cititzens of UK for the three different catagories for the year 2004.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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