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The chart below shows the amount of coffee bought and drank by people in the five Australian cities.

The chart below shows the amount of coffee bought and drank by people in the five Australian cities. XEWbN
The chart illustrates the consumption and purchase of coffee and tea by people in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart. Units are measure in percentages. Overall, Melbourne has the highest number of people who went to a café for coffee and Adelaide has the least percentage of people who went to café. Fresh coffee was purchased more in Sydney and Brisbane and the least no of people who bought fresh coffee. Percentages of citizens who bought fresh coffee and instant coffee are much higher when compared to people who went to a café for tea or coffee. Nearly 45% of Australian cities bough fresh coffee in the city of Sydney and nearly 35% in Brisbane. Melbourne has the second highest percentage followed by Hobart and Adelaide (Close to 43%, Almost 38% and nearly 35% respectively). People who preferred to go to a café or tea over the past four week were more observed in Melbourne by 63% and was least in Adelaide by 49%. Instant coffee was bought more in Hobart by just under 55% and least bought in Sydney by just above 45%.
The chart illustrates the consumption and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of
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coffee
and tea by
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people
in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart. Units are measure in percentages.

Overall
, Melbourne has the highest number of
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people
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who
went to a café for
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coffee
and Adelaide has the least percentage of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
went to café.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fresh
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coffee
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
more in Sydney and Brisbane and the least
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
. Percentages of citizens
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who
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bought
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fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and instant
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coffee
are much higher when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
went to a café for tea or coffee.

Nearly
45% of Australian cities bough
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fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
in the city of Sydney and
nearly
35% in Brisbane. Melbourne has the second highest percentage followed by Hobart and Adelaide (Close to 43%, Almost 38% and
nearly
35%
respectively
).

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
preferred to go to a café or tea over the past four
Possible agreement error. The noun 'week' seems to be countable, so consider using: "weeks".
week
were more observed in Melbourne by 63% and was least in Adelaide by 49%. Instant
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coffee
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
more in Hobart by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 55% and least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
in Sydney by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 45%.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the amount of coffee bought and drank by people in the five Australian cities.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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