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The bar graph shows the combined time spent in billions of minutes, on three different kinds of phone call in the United Kingdom, from 1995-2002.

The bar graph shows the combined time spent in billions of minutes, on three different kinds of phone call in the United Kingdom, from 1995-2002. mkr8
The bar graph shows the combined time spent in billions of minutes, on three different kinds of phone call in the United Kingdom, from 1995-2002. Overall, local calls were the most popular over the whole period, with national and international calls and calls on mobiles second and third respectively. However, the number of minutes spent on international and national calls and mobiles both increased over the period; with mobile minutes increasing dramatically, thus narrowing the gap between the three categories by 2002. Minutes spent on local calls fluctuated over the time period, with just over 70 billion minutes in 1995, peaking at approximately 90 billion in 1999 and then steadily decreasing to just over 70 billion minutes in 2002. National and international calls increased steadily year on year, from just under 40 billion minutes in 1995 to a peak of just over 60 billion in 2002. Mobile minutes increased at a very rapid pace from approximately 3 billion in 1995 to around 45 billion in 2002. Mobile phone usage nearly doubled from approximately 22 billion minutes in 2000 to 40 billion in 2001. You will notice that there are four paragraphs in this answer and each
The bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the combined time spent in
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billions
of minutes, on three
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different
kinds of phone
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call
in the United Kingdom, from 1995-2002.

Overall
, local
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calls
were the most popular
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over
the whole period, with national and international
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calls
and
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calls
on mobiles second and third
respectively
.
However
, the number of minutes spent on international and national
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calls
and mobiles both increased
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over
the period; with mobile minutes increasing
dramatically
,
thus
narrowing the gap between the three categories by 2002.

Minutes spent on local
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calls
fluctuated
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over
the time period, with
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just
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over
70
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billion
minutes in 1995, peaking at approximately 90
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billion
in 1999 and then
steadily
decreasing to
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just
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over
70
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billion
minutes in 2002.

National and international
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calls
increased
steadily
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
year on year
, from
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just
under 40
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billion
minutes in 1995 to a peak of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
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over
60
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billion
in 2002. Mobile minutes increased at a
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very
rapid pace from approximately 3
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billion
in 1995 to around 45
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billion
in 2002. Mobile phone usage
nearly
doubled from approximately 22
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billion
minutes in 2000 to 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
in 2001.

You will notice that there are four paragraphs in this answer and each
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IELTS academic The bar graph shows the combined time spent in billions of minutes, on three different kinds of phone call in the United Kingdom, from 1995-2002.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
195 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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