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Describe the following graphs which contains information about men and women employment

Describe the following graphs which contains information about men and women employment kbbAN
The given line graph offer information of employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993 which Express type of employment with men and women of certain ages. According to full time graphs of males and females declined suddenly after the age of 44-49. In full-time males years 1973 has shown more percentage of employment compared to 1993. On the other side in full time females, initially employment has difference of 40% in 15-19 age group. The way age increased the rate of employment went higher in 1993. In part time, it can be seen that graph of males had more proportion of employment in both the years. From age group of 25-29 to 55-59 employment remains steep between 5 and 10 % of for 1993 and 0 to 5 % for 1973 respectively. In females graph there was of highly fluctuation in 1993 and 1973. All in all, The graphs shows contrast change in part-time and full time graphs.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line
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graph
offer information of
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employment
in Australia between 1973 and 1993 which Express type of
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employment
with
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men
and women of certain ages.

According to full
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time
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graphs
of males and females declined
suddenly
after the
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age
of 44-49. In full-time males years 1973 has shown more percentage of
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employment
compared to 1993. On the other side in full
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time
females,
initially
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employment
has difference of 40% in 15-19
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age
group. The way
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age
increased the rate of
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employment
went higher in 1993.

In part
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time
, it can be
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seen
that
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graph
of males had more proportion of
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employment
in both the years. From
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age
group of 25-29 to 55-59
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employment
remains steep between 5 and 10 % of for 1993 and 0 to 5 % for 1973
respectively
. In females
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graph
there was of
highly
fluctuation in 1993 and 1973.

All in all, The
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graphs
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shows
contrast
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change
in part-time and full
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time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graphs
.
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IELTS academic Describe the following graphs which contains information about men and women employment

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
158 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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