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Motivational Letter for University admission

Motivational Letter for University admission lx6eb
My name is Arkar Linn Maung and I am 19 years old. I completed high school from Family Private High School in 2018. Before COVID-19 outbreak and military coup in Myanmar, I was an electronics engineering student at University of Technology (Yatanarpon Cyber City), one of the best information technology university in Myanmar, but I am now applying for the bachelor degree program in social work or psychology at University of Pécs. Let me explain why I want to study those programs especially social work. I was born with different in Myanmar which is a very religious and conservative country. Since I was a young boy, I suffered a lot in mental for being a homosexual person in this society. There are a lot of young people like me who are mentally abused by their uneducated environments, and this leads to the rise of suicide rate. My life career aim is to become a social worker or an activist who gives mentally and physically support to people who need a helping hand. That is why I want to study social work or psychology as my bachelor degree and I truly believe myself that I will be a very great student in those programs. In Myanmar, there are just few activists and social workers who are helping mentally ill patients and fighting for equality in right ways. It became even worse when the military of Myanmar caused the coup by detaining the legal government. One of the worst consequences of the military coup is lack of justice and increase in number of people who need mental support. I want to study especially how to make changes in a toxic conservative society and counsel a patient effectively. The degree is also very important to me because if I don't have a degree, I will not be able to make those changes in this Burmese society and give help to people even if I'm very enthusiastic and qualified. To make successful changes in this society, I'll need to be professional and academically qualified in these programs. I've been living in Burmese society since I was born and so I don't have enough international experiences and knowledges. And I belive that Bachelor of Social Work and Bachelor of Psychology programs which are offered by University of Pécs can give me all the things that I need for my future journey. I'm totally sure that I'm very suitable to get accepted to study social work or psychology in University of Pécs. I started a charity group called "A Phyu Yaung Twel Lak Myar(အဖြူရောင်တွဲလက်များ)" with my friends in June 2019. And then we created group activity weekly by helping in hospitals, orphanages, schools for the blind and old aged homes. The number of group members increased to 134 members and I decided to register as an official organization of the university. And I'm currently leading a project called "All Are Equal" with four team members. The main purpose of this project is to educate people from Myanmar with knowledge about acceptance and equality. As the first step, I'm now writing contents about sexualities and LGBTQQIA+ community on my "All Are Equal" facebook page. And I sometime help young people of LGBTcommuniy from being discriminated. It's been three years that I've been trying to be able to study abroad. I think the biggest challenge that I have to face while studying in Hungary will be language barrier because Hungarian is not very familiar with Asian people like me. But I don't worry about that because I speak English well and I belive myself that I'm very fast at learning languages. Thank you for considering me and I'm very hopeful to get the admission to University of Pécs
My name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Arkar
Possible spelling mistake found.
Linn
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Maung and
I am 19 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. I completed high school from Family Private High School in 2018.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
COVID-19 outbreak and military coup in Myanmar, I was an electronics engineering student at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Technology (
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yatanarpon
Cyber City), one of the best information technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in Myanmar,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
applying for the bachelor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychology
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pécs
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
work.

I
was born
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in Myanmar which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
religious and conservative country. Since I was a young boy, I suffered a lot in mental for being a homosexual person in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are mentally abused by their uneducated environments, and this leads to the rise of suicide rate. My life career aim is to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
worker or an activist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
gives mentally and
physically
support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
a helping hand.
That is
why I want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychology
as my bachelor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
and I
truly
believe myself that I will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
great student in those programs.

In Myanmar, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
few activists and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are helping mentally ill patients and fighting for equality in right ways. It became even worse when the military of Myanmar caused the coup by detaining the legal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. One of the worst consequences of the military coup is lack of justice and increase in number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
mental support. I want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
especially
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in a toxic conservative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and counsel a patient
effectively
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if I don't have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, I will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in this Burmese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even if I'm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
enthusiastic and qualified. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, I'll
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be professional and
academically
qualified in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. I've been living in Burmese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
since I was
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
born and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
international experiences and
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
. And
Did you mean "I believe"?
I belive
that Bachelor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
and Bachelor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Psychology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which
are offered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pécs
can give me all the things that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for my future journey.

I'm
totally
sure that I'm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
suitable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychology
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pécs
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a charity group called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
A
Possible spelling mistake found.
Phyu
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yaung
Possible spelling mistake found.
Twel
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lak
Possible spelling mistake found.
Myar
(
Possible spelling mistake found.
အဖြူရောင်တွဲလက်များ
)
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
with my friends in June 2019. And then we created group activity weekly by helping in hospitals, orphanages, schools for the blind and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
aged homes. The number of group members increased to 134 members and I decided to register as an official organization of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. And I'm
currently
leading a project called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
All Are Equal
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
with four team members. The main purpose of this project is to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from Myanmar with knowledge about acceptance and equality. As the
first
step, I'm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
writing contents about sexualities and
Possible spelling mistake found.
LGBTQQIA
+ community on my
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
All Are Equal
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
page. And I sometime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
LGBTcommuniy
from
being discriminated
.

It's been three years that I've been trying to be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
abroad. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the biggest challenge that I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face while studying in Hungary will be language barrier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Hungarian is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
familiar with Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like me.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I don't worry about that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I speak English well and
Did you mean "I believe"?
I belive
myself that I'm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
at learning languages.

Thank you for considering me and I'm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hopeful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the admission to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pécs
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IELTS letter Motivational Letter for University admission

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
619 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria



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