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The chart below show the main reason in study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

The chart below show the main reason in study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Wwek
The two given bar charts exhibit the chief reasons for further education among employees of varied age groups as well as the amount of help they receive from their employers chief reason shown are career enhancement and interest in studies while the help from employers are terms of time off and monetary assistance in tution fees. As can be clearly seen, better career is prominent reason for the young workers to study further 80 and 70 percent of youngsters under 26 and 26 to 29 year study further for career prospects respectively. On the other hand, 7 out of every 10 senior employers over 49 year decided to study further to cater their interest and career respectively which is the lowest ration in entire bar chart. Observing the second bar chart more than 60 percent of youngest employers under 26 years get assistance from their employers followed by 50 percent of 26-29 years age group. The middle age workers from 30-39 years get the minimum level of help which is just above 30 percent Overall it can be inferred that the youngest and oldest employers get the maximum help as well as study further ration.
The two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar charts exhibit the chief reasons for
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further
education among employees of varied age groups
as well
as the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
they receive from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
chief reason shown are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
enhancement and interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
are terms of time off and monetary assistance in
Possible spelling mistake found.
tution
fees. As can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is prominent reason for the young workers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
80 and 70
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percent
of youngsters under 26 and 26 to 29
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
prospects
respectively
.
On the other hand
, 7 out of every 10 senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
over 49
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
to cater their interest and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
respectively
which is the lowest ration in entire bar chart. Observing the second bar chart more than 60
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percent
of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the youngest".
youngest
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employers
under 26 years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
assistance from their
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employers
followed by 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of 26-29 years age group. The middle age workers from 30-39 years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the minimum level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
Overall
it can
be inferred
that the youngest and oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
ration.
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IELTS academic The chart below show the main reason in study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
195 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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