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Some people think that it is best to save money, for example in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach an opinion on this debate. Give reasons for your answer, and support your essay with ideas and examples from your own experience. v.1

Some people think that it is best to save money, for example in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach an opinion on this debate. v. 1
The question of whether to save or spend money is very topical today, as so many people are struggling financial worries. There are valid arguments on both sides, which I will discuss now. On the one hand, it is often said spending money is one way to relax and enjoy life, for instance by shopping or taking holidays, and there is certainly some truth in this. In addition, we usually have no choice but to spend quite a large proportion of our available salary on day to day expenses such as food, housing and transport, and so there is surprisingly little remaining to save anyway. Finally, spending money on products and services boots the economy and creates employment and in this sense is a worthwhile action. On the other hand, other people point out the dangers of reckless spending, for example on frivolous or unnecessary items, which is often encouraged by advertising. Young people in particular are vulnerable to being influenced like this. Furthermore, advocates of saving often point out that without a reserve of funds for emergencies, unemployment or illness, people are putting themselves at risk of hardship or even bankruptcy. This is especially true in the current economic situation. Lastly on this side of the debate, people emphasise the need to accumulate wealth during one’s lifetime, so that one’s children can inherit money or property which will increase their security and standard of living Overall, I tend to agree that it is wiser to save money whenever possible, for reasons which benefit both individuals today and future generations.
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
The question of whether
to save or spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
topical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are struggling financial worries. There are valid arguments on both sides, which I will discuss
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On the one hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is one way to relax and enjoy life,
for instance
by shopping or taking holidays, and there is
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
truth in this.
In addition
, we
usually
have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to spend quite a large proportion of our available salary on
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
expenses such as food, housing and transport, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is
surprisingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
remaining to save anyway.
Finally
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on products and services boots the economy and creates employment and in this sense is a worthwhile action.

On the other hand
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
point out the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of reckless spending,
for example
on frivolous or unnecessary items, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
encouraged by advertising. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in particular
are vulnerable to
being influenced
like this.
Furthermore
, advocates of saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
point out that without a reserve of funds for emergencies, unemployment or illness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are putting themselves at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of hardship or even bankruptcy. This is
especially
true in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
economic situation.
Lastly
on this side of the debate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
the need to accumulate wealth during one’s lifetime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that one’s children can inherit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or property which will increase their security and standard of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
living


Overall
, I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is wiser to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
whenever possible, for reasons which benefit both individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
and future generations.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is best to save money, for example in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach an opinion on this debate. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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