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Question: some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after the age of 65. However, others say there shouldn’t be a limitation on the age and anyone should be allowed to work regardless of their age. Discuss both views and give an opinion. v.1

Question: some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after the age of 65. However, others say there shouldn’t be a limitation on the age and anyone should be allowed to work regardless of their age. v. 1
Although it is believed by some that everybody at the age of 65 is not permitted to be laboring, others consider that there should not be any age limit to people who are employed. In my opinion, while it is good that working age ought to be abolished since the jobs help them to keep fit physically and psychologically, I think retiring at 65 years would afford them time to rest and to pursue other dreams. On the one hand, continuing to work without age barrier would often guarantee the soundness of body and mind. In other words, when a person is used to working in a particular company say an engineer or a marketer, these jobs naturally demand moving u and down, from one location to the other, these movements keep these people fit and also emotionally healthy. But, if they are made to stop working, it could frequently pose as a threat to their health because they are not used to staying idle; hence, they would need to keep working. Also, the financial needs of these people might stand as another avenue as to why they have to have to continue with their jobs despite the age. On the other hand, some people including myself support the notion that retirement at the age of 65 is vital as it would give these people time for relaxation and also the chase after other ambitions. When a person starts working sometimes at an early age, he/she would have forfeited so many other aspirations in other to focus on the particular job. However, such persons deserve some free time away from those jobs so as to do fun things. For example, touring round the world, as well as going after other goals in life such as setting up a new business, or starting a charity organization. Furthermore, these people leaving their jobs at age 65 years gives room for employment of new people into civil service. In conclusion, even though allowing people to work without age restrictions seems beneficial for their health, I feel retiring at 65 years is crucial because of leisure, provides occasionally the establishment of new business and opportunity for absorption of new employees.
Although it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that everybody at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 is not permitted to be laboring, others consider that there should not be any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are employed
. In my opinion, while it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
ought to
be abolished
since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit
physically
and
psychologically
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
retiring at 65 years would afford them time to rest and to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
dreams.

On the one hand, continuing to work without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
barrier would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
guarantee the soundness of body and mind. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, when a person is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
say an engineer or a marketer, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
naturally
demand moving u and down, from one location to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, these movements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fit and
also
emotionally
healthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if they
are made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, it could
frequently
pose as a threat to their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to staying idle;
hence
, they would need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
Also
, the financial needs of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might stand as another avenue as to why they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
continue with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
despite the age.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
including myself support the notion that retirement at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 is vital as it would give these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
time for relaxation and
also
the chase after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ambitions. When a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, he/she would have forfeited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspirations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to focus on the particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
However
, such persons deserve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free time away from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
do fun things.
For example
, touring round the world,
as well
as going after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
goals in life such as setting up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
business, or starting a charity organization.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
65 years gives room for employment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into civil service.

In conclusion
,
even though
allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
restrictions seems beneficial for their health, I feel retiring at 65 years is crucial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of leisure, provides
occasionally
the establishment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
business and opportunity for absorption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
employees.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Question: some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after the age of 65. However, others say there shouldn’t be a limitation on the age and anyone should be allowed to work regardless of their age. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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