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TPO20 – Q2: Some people prefer to learn about current events from watching television news programs. Others prefer to read about current events in newspapers or on the Internet. Which do you think is better: watching the news or reading the news? v.1

TPO20 – Q2: Some people prefer to learn about current events from watching television news programs. Others prefer to read about current events in newspapers or on the Internet. Which do you think is better: watching the news or reading the news? v. 1
The improvements in technology currently bring about harmful effects on the environment. While some people believe having simpler lives is the only solution, I would argue that technological advances can help to tackle these environmental problems. On the one hand, it is believed that individuals need to live simple lives and rely less on technology. The first suggestion is that people should walk or cycle rather than driv cars. This is because the current number of cars being manufactured and used is increasing, which causes high levels of exhausted fumes and makes air pollution become serious. Additionally, people should try to reduce their consumption of electricity so that the exploitation of natural resources such as fossil fuels or nuclear power can be minimised. An example of this idea is the annual event called Earth Hour where everyone is asked to turn their lights off for sixty minutes. On the other hand, I believe the developments of technology can greatly contribute to environmental protection. Firstly, because of those improvements, people are able to come up with ways to recycle materials such as paper or glass, which reduces the problem of waste disposal. Secondly, technology can also help to create electricity using renewable resources. For example, many countries in the world have built plants that utilise solar energy to generate power. As a result, it is not necessary to rely on nonrenewable resources, and people can create electricity without significantly damaging the environment. In conclusion, while some people think that they should live simpler lives to prevent environmental issues, I would argue that these problems can be dealt with by technological improvements.
The improvements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
currently
bring about harmful effects on the environment. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe having simpler
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution, I would argue that technological advances can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to tackle these environmental problems.

On the one hand, it
is believed
that individuals need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and rely less on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. The
first
suggestion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should walk or cycle
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
driv
cars. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
number of cars
being manufactured
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
is increasing, which causes high levels of exhausted fumes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
air pollution become serious.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their consumption of electricity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the exploitation of natural resources such as fossil fuels or nuclear power can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
. An example of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is the annual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
called Earth
It is better to use 'Hour' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "Hour when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
Hour where
everyone
is asked
to turn their lights off for sixty minutes.

On the other hand
, I believe the developments of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can
greatly
contribute to environmental protection.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of those improvements,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with ways to recycle materials such as paper or glass, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the problem of waste disposal.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to create electricity using renewable resources.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in the world have built plants that
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
solar energy to generate power.
As a result
, it is not necessary to rely on nonrenewable resources, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can create electricity without
significantly
damaging the environment.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
simpler
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
environmental issues, I would argue that these problems can
be dealt
with by technological improvements.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO20 – Q2: Some people prefer to learn about current events from watching television news programs. Others prefer to read about current events in newspapers or on the Internet. Which do you think is better: watching the news or reading the news? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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