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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to preoccupy themselves. Discuss both these views and and give your opini v.12

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to preoccupy themselves. 12
The idea that, besides making money, enterprises also need to have public responsibilities remains a source of controversy. In my opinion, while generating profit is the top priority for each company, I agree thatthey should also conduct their business in a socially responsible manner. On the one hand, the efforts of companies to maximise their profits may have some benefits for society as a whole. [1] Firstly, the higher the profits earned by enterprises, the more taxes they pay to the government. As a result, authorities may have more revenue to spend in key fields, including education and health care, which leads to an improvement in the quality of life of the whole community. [2] Secondly, by earning huge profits companies have the opportunity to grow their business. For example, firms could use their capital to expand their production, creating new job opportunities within the community. On the other hand, there are strong reasons why businesses should also accept that they have social responsibilities. The first reason is that their activities have an effect on the environment. Without controls, production processes may result in serious environmental degradation, such as global warming stemming from factory emissions or the irresponsible disposal of industrial waste. For example, if factories installed waste treatment systems instead of discharging chemical wastes into rivers, water pollution could be controlled. Another reason is that enterprises should help those who are less fortunate, since they have the money to do so. For example, big corporations such as Unilever and Vinamilk have enhanced their public image through philanthropic actions such as providing scholarships and giving charitable donations. In conclusion, although I recognise that making profits is the fundamental principle of business, I would argue that all businesses should profoundly reflect upon their social responsibilities.
The
idea
that,
besides
making money, enterprises
also
need to have public responsibilities remains a source of controversy. In my opinion, while generating
profit
is the top priority for each
company
, I
agree
thatthey
should
also
conduct their
business
in a
socially
responsible manner.

On the one hand, the efforts of
companies
to
maximise
their
profits
may have
some
benefits for society as a whole. [1]
Firstly
, the higher the
profits
earned by enterprises, the more taxes they pay to the
government
.
As a result
, authorities may have more revenue to spend in key fields, including education and health care, which leads to an improvement in the quality of life of the whole community. [2]
Secondly
, by earning huge
profits
companies
have the opportunity to grow their
business
.
For example
, firms could
use
their capital to expand their production, creating new job opportunities within the community.

On the other hand
, there are strong reasons why
businesses
should
also
accept that they have social responsibilities. The
first
reason is that their activities have an effect on the environment. Without controls, production processes may result in serious environmental degradation, such as global warming stemming from factory emissions or the irresponsible disposal of industrial waste.
For example
, if factories installed waste treatment systems
instead
of discharging chemical wastes into rivers, water pollution could
be controlled
. Another reason is that enterprises should
help
those who are less fortunate, since they have the money to do
so
.
For example
,
big
corporations such as Unilever and
Vinamilk
have enhanced their public image through philanthropic actions such as providing scholarships and giving charitable donations.

In conclusion
, although I
recognise
that making
profits
is the fundamental principle of
business
, I would argue that all
businesses
should
profoundly
reflect upon their social responsibilities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to preoccupy themselves. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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