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Nowadays people are affected by social media and the internet. Is it a good or a bad trend in your opinion? Explain it by giving your own example. v.2

Nowadays people are affected by social media and the internet. Is it a good or a bad trend in your opinion? Explain it by giving your own example. v. 2
In today's technologically advanced society, one significant point of concern is the impact of using social networks and internet on people's life. While many argue that it has some negative influence, I oppose the statement. To begin with, social platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram are a great way to connect with the people regardless of their location and nationality, background, which eventually helps us to learn and share our thoughts. Moreover, the internet helps us to keep ourselves updated with the latest happenings around the globe, even before the television and print media conveys the same. In addition to these, interactive media allow us to promote our business to the largest audience irrespective of the nature of business offline or online. Nonetheless, hypermedia can also be used for some noble causes. For example, to promote an NGO, social welfare activities and donation for the needy people. However, there are definitely some downsides of mass media and the internet on the community. For instance, hacking is a serious matter of worry nowadays, which can cause loss of personal data and privacy resulting in financial and personal misleading. Furthermore, excessive use of the same can be addictive and can hamper personal lives as well. Last but not the least, especially the youngsters get cheated with respect to love related matter as they get attracted to someone only based on few chats and calls without even meeting them in person. In conclusion, in spite of having some obstructive consequences, the benefits of mass media outweigh the drawbacks. Social media and internet has made our life more convenient and easy.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
technologically
advanced society, one significant point of concern is the impact of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks and internet on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence, I oppose the statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram
The singular proper name 'Instagram' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
are
a great way to connect with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
regardless of their location and nationality, background, which
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to learn and share our thoughts.
Moreover
, the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves updated with the latest happenings around the globe, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the television and print
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
conveys the same.
In addition
to these, interactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to promote our business to the largest audience irrespective of the nature of business offline or online. Nonetheless, hypermedia can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
noble causes.
For example
, to promote an NGO,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
welfare activities and donation for the needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, there are definitely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides of mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and the internet on the community.
For instance
, hacking is a serious matter of worry nowadays, which can cause loss of personal data and privacy resulting in financial and personal misleading.
Furthermore
, excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the same can be addictive and can hamper personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as well
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
especially
the youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
cheated with respect to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
related matter as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
based on few chats and calls without even meeting them in person.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obstructive consequences, the benefits of mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
outweigh the drawbacks.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and internet has made our life more convenient and easy.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays people are affected by social media and the internet. Is it a good or a bad trend in your opinion? Explain it by giving your own example. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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