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Describe a hobby you enjoy doing. You should say: - What the hobby is - What materials or tools you need for it - How you learned to do it and explain why you enjoy it. v.1

Describe a hobby you enjoy doing. You should say: - What the hobby is - What materials or tools you need for it - How you learned to do it and explain why you enjoy it. v. 1
At present, scientific research across the world is carried out and controlled sometimes by governments, sometimes by private companies. While there are some arguments in favour of scientific research by corporations, I agree with the view that this should be funded and supervised by the state. The private sector argues that it is willing to undertake scientific research, but there are two significant dangers in this. In terms of the quality and objectivity of the research itself, corporations which carry this out may be tempted to manipulate results in order to maximize profits. There have been numerous scandals as a result of new products being introduced hurriedly after inadequate trials. For example thalidomide, developed by a German drug company, resulted in the birth of thousands of malformed children. From an ethical perspective, leaving research into areas such as genetic engineering in the hands of corporations may have profound social consequences –such as GM crops, with unproven effects which may destroy whole ecosystems as a result of meddling with nature. Although governments have to allocate resources to many areas of public spending, it is essential that they be responsible for scientific research. Firstly, the highest standards can be set by providing funding for university departments to carry out high-quality research designed to benefit society, not to break into new markets or to gain a competitive edge. Knowledge thus gained can be shared worldwide throughout the academic community. Secondly, government-decision making is the best way to prioritize expenditure on specific areas of research, taking into consideration the needs of society, both present and future. One example is the development of renewable energy to meet growing demands. In conclusion, I agree strongly with the view that governments should bear sole responsibility for scientific research.
At present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
across the world
is carried
out and controlled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
by private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
by corporations, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that this should
be funded
and supervised by the state.

The private sector argues that it is willing to undertake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are two significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
in this. In terms of the quality and objectivity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
itself, corporations which carry this out may
be tempted
to manipulate results in order to maximize profits. There have been numerous scandals
as a result
of new products
being introduced
hurriedly
after inadequate trials.
For example
thalidomide, developed by a German drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, resulted in the birth of thousands of malformed children. From an ethical perspective, leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
into areas such as genetic engineering in the hands of corporations may have profound social consequences –such as GM crops, with unproven effects which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
whole ecosystems
as a result
of meddling with nature.

Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
allocate resources to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas of public spending, it is essential that they be responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
Firstly
, the highest standards can
be set
by providing funding for university departments to carry out high-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
designed to benefit society, not to break into new markets or to gain a competitive edge. Knowledge
thus
gained can
be shared
worldwide throughout the academic community.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
-decision making is the best way to prioritize expenditure on specific areas of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, taking into consideration the needs of society, both present and future. One example is the development of renewable energy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
growing demands.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
strongly
with the view that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should bear sole responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a hobby you enjoy doing. You should say: - What the hobby is - What materials or tools you need for it - How you learned to do it and explain why you enjoy it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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