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Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages v.1

Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages v. 1
People have different views about international tourism. While I agree it can raise problems between countries, I would claim that it contributes significantly in improving the understanding between the local and tourists. On the one hand, the most obvious reason why many people oppose international tourism is the misunderstanding of foreign tourists about the local culture. For example, Middle Eastern countries have strict codes of conduct and dressing, and they always expect international tourists to follow their customs. However, not many foreign visitors pay attention to these strict codes. This, as a result, lead to various cases that the local attacked tourists because of their disrespectful behaviors and dressing. These unfortunate incidents, therefore, result in tensions between countries. On the other hand, I suppose that travelling abroad is an effective way for individuals to acquire knowledge about other cultures. While the media, such as TV or newspapers, give people some foreign culture exposure, overseas tourists have opportunities to get authentic and unique experiences which would definitely help them gain deeper insights into the local customs and traditions. As a consequence, this can make a great contribution to raising individual awareness of the cultural diversity. In this way, international travelling can facilitate people to establish and maintain relationships in this day. In conclusion, although international tourism could lead to tensions between countries due to the misconduct of foreign visitors, I firmly believe that it is one of the best ways for tourists to broaden their horizons about the diversity of cultures.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tourism. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
it can raise problems between countries, I would claim that it contributes
significantly
in improving the understanding between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
and tourists.

On the one hand, the most obvious reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
oppose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tourism is the misunderstanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For example
, Middle Eastern countries have strict codes of conduct and dressing, and they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to follow their customs.
However
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
visitors pay attention to these strict codes. This,
as a result
, lead to various cases that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
attacked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their disrespectful behaviors and dressing. These unfortunate incidents,
therefore
, result in tensions between countries.

On the other hand
, I suppose that travelling abroad is an effective way for individuals to acquire knowledge about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. While the media, such as TV or newspapers, give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
exposure, overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
have opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
authentic and unique experiences which would definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them gain deeper insights into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
customs and traditions. As a consequence, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great contribution to raising individual awareness of the cultural diversity. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
travelling can facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to establish and maintain relationships in this day.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tourism could lead to tensions between countries due to the misconduct of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
visitors, I
firmly
believe that it is one of the best ways for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to broaden their horizons about the diversity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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