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You will go to a foreign country to stay there for one year, and you need a place to live in. You have decided to write to an agency for accommodation. v.2

You will go to a foreign country to stay there for one year, and you need a place to live in. You have decided to write to an agency for accommodation. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to get some details about accommodation in Sydney that your agency can arrange for me. I have been accepted at Macquarie University in a research-based Master's degree programme, and I will start my classes from next June. I will stay there for one year and my wife will accompany me during my stay there. Therefore, I need a separate accommodation than the one the university has offered me in its residence hall. I am looking for a studio apartment that will not cost me more than $1500 per month and is located within the walking distance from the university. It would be ideal if the apartment comes with a fully equipped kitchen and fully furnished rooms with windows that allow natural light and fresh air. It would be a bonus if we can access shopping malls, markets, a park and other public amenities without travelling a long distance. I will fly to Sydney on 29th May and would highly appreciate if you can send me details of several accommodations I am looking for within the budget. I am hoping to hear from you soon regarding this. Yours faithfully, Avinash Kumar
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about accommodation in Sydney that your agency can arrange for me.

I have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
at Macquarie University in a research-based Master's degree
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
my classes from
next
June.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
will stay there for one year and my wife will accompany me during my stay there.
Therefore
, I need
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "separate accommodation".
a separate accommodation
than the one the university has offered me in its residence hall.

I am looking for a studio apartment that will not cost me more than $1500 per month and
is located
within the walking distance from the university. It would be ideal if the apartment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a
fully
equipped kitchen and
fully
furnished rooms with windows that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
natural light and fresh air. It would be a bonus if we can access shopping malls, markets, a park and other public amenities without travelling a long distance.

I will
fly
to Sydney on 29th May and would
highly
appreciate if you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of several accommodations I am looking for within the budget.

I am hoping to hear from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
regarding this.

Yours
faithfully
,

Avinash Kumar
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS letter You will go to a foreign country to stay there for one year, and you need a place to live in. You have decided to write to an agency for accommodation. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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