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Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree? v.11

Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. v. 11
Whereas some people argue that some subjects should be optional for children, which find them hard, others claim that some subjects must be taught either way. In my opinion, although some children might face difficulties in learning some subjects, these topics should be compulsory. First of all, focusing on teaching a child based on his or her strength can be positive. Thus, it is reasonable to leave out from the course programme subjects which are a burden for the youth. For example, if a child has demonstrated potential in learning either mathematics or history, courses which might compromise learning these preferred subjects should be optional. Consequently, by doing that the school will be teaching based on the children's strengths and not on their weaknesses. On the other hand, it is important that children have a strong fundamental knowledge in different topics. Hence, presenting children to a broad range of subjects can be useful for them learning other topics. For instance, in order to understand more complex topics such as economy learning about not only mathematics but also history might be extremely useful. Therefore, learning about many subjects in the youth can be useful later in life for understanding more complex topics. In conclusion, while narrowing the subjects of study, according to children's preference might be useful for working their strengths, the youth studying a broad range of subjects can be useful for them in creating a solid fundamental knowledge. Then, I believe that children should take some compulsory courses as these might be important for them later.
Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be optional for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which find them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, others claim that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
either way. In my opinion, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
face difficulties in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
topics
should be compulsory.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, focusing on teaching a child based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
strength can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
Thus
, it is reasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
out from the course
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which are a burden for the youth.
For example
, if a child has demonstrated potential in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
either mathematics or history, courses which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
compromise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
these preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be optional.
Consequently
, by doing that the school will be teaching based on the children's strengths and not on their weaknesses.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "strong fundamental knowledge".
a strong fundamental knowledge
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
topics
.
Hence
, presenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to a broad range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
for them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
topics
.
For instance
, in order to understand more complex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
topics
such as economy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
about not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
mathematics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the youth can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
later in life for understanding more complex topics.

In conclusion
, while narrowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of study, according to children's preference
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
for working their strengths, the youth studying a broad range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
useful
for them in creating
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "solid fundamental knowledge".
a solid fundamental knowledge
. Then, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
compulsory courses as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them later.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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